Hurting or Healing?

Jesus tells us in the Bible that our words can do two things: they hurt or they heal.  That’s it.  Hurt or Heal!  So which one are we doing?  He tells us to guard our words and be careful of what we speak to others.  He goes further and tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated.  Ouch!  Step on my toes hard.  Yep.  I try, and I try, and I try – and I fail.  I struggle with this principle.  I am not saying to let people run over us.  No, there is a fine tune balance in it (but you can seek that out for yourselves).  What I am saying is that it is hard to maintain a good character when someone is being – just mean.  The thing I have to remember is this, I have a choice in the matter.  I choose to re-act to what has been done to me (which means I have given my reaction no thought) or I choose to be pro-active (meaning I have already – BEFORE anything has been done to me – decided to treat people kindly. Sometimes firmly, but still with kindness).  So my interpretation of this idea can be summed up like this, “Act towards others, out of your own character – not out of theirs”.   If I react, I am acting on their character and allowing what they have projected upon me to rule me.  If I am proactive, then my character has beforehand set the parameters around my actions and I govern myself.

Today the sad news surrounds our community of a young teen who took her life.  As I ponder this event in connection with the words of Jesus, my thoughts find their way to several questions: Do I treat other with respect?  Do I offer encouragement to those I pass by each day?  Do I give attention to the one that is the loudest – the one that is the quietest?  Do I reach outside myself into the lives of others and offer any goodness?  Do I take time for others when I have no time?  I cannot help but wonder if loneliness and rejection grew so strong and deep in those last days as to afford the offering of relief from its grips only through the taking of one’s own life.  I still have more questions.  …Are my words and actions leading others to a deeper desperation of need?  Are they pointing to a hope of love and fulfillment?   What does my character reflect?  Am I encouraging to others or do I taunt them?  Oh, my hope is that I would not project my own ideas of being acceptable or not acceptable upon anyone, but rather that I would be kind and seek to know someone for who they are.

I find it heartbreaking that one would come to the conclusion that there is something so terrible within them or about them that they must put their life to an end.  Yet, it happens.  And, …are we to blame?  As a society we have built up so many stereotypes, that we no longer know what it is to possess a character of our own.  It is time that we evaluate the way we treat one another.  We would all be lying if we said we could not remember a time when we were unkind to another human being, but did this cause that person to end their life?  Probably not in itself.  So picture it like this.  Every word, phrase or statement stacks up in a pile.  You have two piles – a good pile and a bad pile.  These two piles have an array of subcategories.  For example, the good pile might contain encouraging words, I love you’s, you can do it, let’s go out tonight, etc.  It holds all the things which make you feel loved, good, or enabled to do something that would benefit your success in life.  All the other stuff goes in the bad pile.  Things like being bullied, being yelled at, being told “I told you so”.  And then you add in the non-verbals:  The looks we give people, our actions – walking the other way to avoid them, laughing at them, not standing up for them when they need us.  There are so many things that accumulate in the bad pile.  And it happens so quickly.

Someone’s pile is getting heavy right now…  What are we finding?   Are our words in this pile?  Are our actions in this pile?  Are we taking part in someone finally coming to a point of quitting?  It is scary to think that we may have some responsibility.  …Reason why Jesus said we will give an account for every word that comes out of our mouth.   He wanted us to be careful – to examine what we say.  And the only way we can examine our words is BEFOREHAND.  Once they are spoken, we can never get them back.

If only we would try to understand differences in each other, instead of scrutinizing one another for them, just maybe we would leave ridicule out of the equation all together.  This is my hope.  Now I must help to make it our reality.

A principle not easily obtained, yet one to be desired:  Treat OTHERS like YOU think YOU should be treated.